Thursday, December 13, 2007

Never been a big fan of toast

Don't get me wrong, I'll eat it if someone makes it for me or it comes as a side dish for breakfast at a restaurant, but who needs the hassle of making toast at home?

I hope this isn't some indication of a deeply-repressed negative toast experience early in my life.

But really, who wants the hassle of monitoring the burn rate of a piece of bread just to have the perfect crispy bread-surface crushed by a distorted, cold rectangle of butter? I reject such toast-torture!

And the toaster itself, what an infernal toasty-crumb-making machine it is! Just when you think you've finished cleaning the countertop after the CIA-inspired butterboarding, the toasty bits make their escape as their steel-encased crumb womb is pushed back against the splash board.

I have even seen the case against toast made in a medical journal! Aside from it's general hassle of preparation, witness the "pernicious activity of toast!"

4 comments:

Captain Betty said...

I love toast! But my toast never gets crushed because my butter is at room temperature. Of course your toast is going to get crushed if your butter is cold!

If you use margarine, it'll just get soggy, insist on using the real thing.

E-Doo said...

Come on, man! You can't throw down a fat ass generalization like that. What about French Toast? Plain toast is, well, plain. What about with your favorite flavor of jam or even Nutella! The adventure with toast lies in the accoutrements and adornments. Think of the trimmings, the trappings!

http://duhproject.typepad.com

Kevin said...

Love the reactions. Toast isn't really that bad, it was a slow posting day and I thought this would stir things up.

Captain Betty: I agree about real butter. I've been using it for quite awhile now. Mainly on popcorn after taking your suggestion of melting it in the pot that my piping hot popcorn just came out of. Also, I've always felt weird about the room temperature butter strategy: is it spoiled or not? Apparently not, but I am still skeptical. :^)

E-doo: I do like French toast and debated whether to include it in the post, but concluded it would take away from the controversial subject matter.

Xymyl said...

You helped me call back to mind one of the best bits of graffiti I have ever witnessed. This was at the University of Minnesota campus, it was 60 feet long if it was an inch. Two slices of toast with big smily faces on them, along with the words "Toast is yummy". Oh the memories.